4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
