I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
