don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
