My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
