Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
