we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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