Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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