just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I party with great urgency now.
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