theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
