I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
