I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
