and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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