Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
