I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
