I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
