She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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