she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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