it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
