his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
