Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
