Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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