i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ketchup is God's man juice
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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