I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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