Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I looked at my own cervix.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize