shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
