hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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