and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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