I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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