i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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