i barfeds in our rink
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
