y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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