I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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