don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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