he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
