My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we're making bets on your personal life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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