Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
