...so i touched it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
