honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
