Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
