I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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