Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize