p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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