I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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