guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
