I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
