i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
