well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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