yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
