I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
