she woke up with a sticky ear
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
