Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
