just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize