Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
