DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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