i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Don't you send me to vm
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
