She said her name was "party"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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