They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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