I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
