How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize