I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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