____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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