Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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