I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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