I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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