im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
