tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
