Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
